I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
