Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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