Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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