I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize