Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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