Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I think I sprained my soul last night
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
