I'm gonna have a badass scar
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
