it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
