what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
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