dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
