Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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