NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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