You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize