Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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