Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I am available for nakedness
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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