you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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