I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
