Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
