I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
