I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
