i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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