i wish starbucks made bloody marys
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
