Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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