Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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