i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
