lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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