just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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