I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
