I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i can't believe i had my finger in that
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
