I got chris browned last night
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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