i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
