I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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