I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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