i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
