the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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