I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
