dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
