just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
