is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
