So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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