His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
