Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
