just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
