I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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