so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
