come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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