So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
