Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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