I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
