Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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