what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
