Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
