That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize