Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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