I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
