You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize