Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
