Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
