just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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