If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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