tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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