my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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