Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
