Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
