They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
