walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
