so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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