3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i will never coherently bang her
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
