its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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