my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
