My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Boobs speak an international language.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
