Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
