My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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