i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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